No, not March Madness–it’s still February.
The problem with the Shield TV is that it’s a tube and can’t be mounted to anything easily with double-sided tape, velcro, or zip ties. Yes, I tried all of them. Yes, double-sided tape was a poor choice to begin with. Of the three, zip ties worked the best, but moving the TV at all meant the Shield TV was also likely to move.
So, I scoured the internet for an hour or so, hoping to find that someone had already designed a mounting bracket for these things, like many have done for the more rectangular Shield. The best I could find was someone’s 3D printed bracket, which doesn’t help me much. However, it does look a whole lot like a pretty standard 1.5in hose clamp.
The fit is nearly perfect: